This morning my husband asked where to find the shirt I wanted him to iron (I love it when he behaves domestically).  I replied in song, “on top of the dryer all covered with clothes,” the beginning of a jingle I couldn’t shake.  I share it, hoping that somewhere in the world another mother can relate and smile.

To the tune, “On Top of Old Smoky”

On top of the dryer all covered with clothes,
Where my purple shirt lay, still nobody knows.
I sifted through tube socks and red Underoos,
Then threw off the Levi’s and gray tennis shoes.

I thought I had spied it, then my hope was spent;
‘Twas merely a lint ball from my dryer vent.
I went to the trash can, the lint to discard
And what I saw next was for me very hard.

There nested in garbage my favorite shirt lay –
My son had made mischief with scissors that day.
He’d craftily cut it with my pinking shears;
I vowed I would find him and box in his ears.

But first I went shopping, a task I abhor,
To try on new clothing, a terrible chore.
I drove to the stuff mart that’s just down the road
And parked in the lot where the “K” brightly glowed.

They had no more purple, I’d have to make due;
A new cabled sweater in robin’s egg blue.
I went to the storefront, was second in line;
Then paid with my Visa, just $12.99.

With my blue light special, I drove myself home,
But not before stopping for coffee with foam.
My spouse saw the sweater and sighed with content.
He’d never liked purple, he had to repent.

He’d helped with the cutting and called to the store,
They’d hid all the purple so I couldn’t score.
At first I was angry, but shortly did see
He’d cleverly planned it, the laugh was on me.

Three days came and went, then a week, then longer.  I never received a personal response from Wendy’s.  After about a month, however, I did notice a change in the drive thru window routine.  Now I always receive my bag of food first, complete with straw.  Lastly they fork over the drink.

While it was not the change I had hoped for, it was at least a reasonable solution.  The possibility of spilling my drink for lack of a straw is non-existent.  One large step for Wendy’s, one small step for humankind.  And if ever I absolutely must have a straw delivered simultaneously with my drink, there’s always the McDonald’s down the road.

¹See the initial article, “Where’s the Straw?” at flintstonechronicle.com.

While waiting for three cars ahead of you to make their orders you peruse the menu board. An attack of hunger hits and you decide to order a double with cheese combo instead of just a drink. A few minutes later it’s your turn to order, but the crackling voice from the speaker says, “Welcome to Wendy’s, one moment please.” Another minute or two passes and you begin to wish you had gone elsewhere to get a drink. The thought of starting over in your pursuit of liquid refreshment, however, keeps you in the drive thru. Never mind the car behind you and the cement curb alongside making a nice, neat trap.

Finally the voice returns saying, “Welcome to Wendy’s, may I take your order?” At last you are able to say, “I’d like a number two combo, large with sweet tea, please.” The voice crackles back, “I’m sorry, we’re all out of tea, would you like something else to drink?” With a sigh you respond, “Make it a Coke instead, please.”

Your order is finalized and still there are two cars ahead waiting for their orders. More time passes before you arrive at the window. First the employee takes your money. Next he returns with your change and drink. Now the employee tells you, “I’m sorry, we just started a new batch of fries. It will take another minute to have your order ready. Please pull forward and someone will bring the rest of your order right out.”

Reluctantly you pull through to the yellow line on the pavement, painted there for circumstances such as this. The drink, not the one you originally came for but liquid nonetheless, drips cold beads of sweat down the side of the cup onto your hand, reminding you anew of your thirst. But alas, you have no straw.

Having been through this very scenario countless times, you know it will be at least three minutes before your food gets delivered to your car. With a sideways glance at the door to be sure your food, and more importantly your straw, is not on the way, you carefully remove the lid. The removal operation is successful, so you venture to take a sip of the long sought after drink. About this time an employee’s knuckles rap against the partially open window, signaling your food’s arrival. Unfortunately this startles you, so instead of drinking you are now wearing part of the cold beverage down the front of your shirt. Wouldn’t you know it, today you wore white.

Of course the employee apologizes and offers to get you another drink, but it has been twenty minutes since you arrived and you are long past ready to leave Wendy’s. “No, thank you,” you say, and proceed toward the exit. While you wait to turn back into traffic, you notice the gas station across the street. The thought occurs to you that you could have had a drink from there fifteen minutes ago and been on your merry way, probably without the added benefit of wearing the drink. Then as you enter the busy stream of traffic, you notice a McDonald’s sign in the distance. You think to yourself, “I’ll remember that next time. After all, their big sweet tea is only a dollar, is served in a Styrofoam cup, AND it comes with a straw.”

See the follow-up article, “It’s in the Bag” at flintstonechronicle.com.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy in cases of phobia often involves systematic desensitization, or “exposure therapy,” which is gradual exposure to the feared object, situation or activity. The hope is that after numerous exposures, a change in thought patterns will occur. As new information from the exposures is integrated into existing thought patterns, anxiety lessens over time.

Personal Phobia Treatment Experience
In my mid-twenties I participated in a clinical trial at the Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC). Criteria for participation in the study included having experienced at least one violent traumatic event and present suffering from both PTSD and Panic Disorder. I hoped to fall into the group receiving test medication. When the lot was cast, I was placed into the control group and did not receive medication. Instead, we were taught to self-administer various cognitive-behavioral therapy methods, including exposure therapy.

In spite of my disappointment at not receiving the medication I sought, my desperation for relief urged me forward. Our group gathered on a weekly basis and we began doing the homework of gradual exposure to our top four phobias. One of the phobias I addressed was my excessive fear of knives.

Prior to treatment, the mere sight of a knife, particularly in someone else’s hand, set off an alarm in my head that triggered a panic attack. After several weeks of exposure therapy, my fear lessened and resulting panic attacks began to subside. It took time, but eventually my panic attacks at seeing knives stopped. I haven’t had a knife-related panic attack in probably eight years.

Conclusion

Since I had measurable success using exposure therapy to alleviate other phobias, it is reasonable to believe it will work in regard to my avoidance of crowds.¹ Exposure therapy is a viable option, whether my fear is ochlophobia or the beginnings of agoraphobia. Whichever phobia it is, one thing is clear: without treatment, phobic disorders grow progressively worse and increasingly inhibit normal life activities. In light of this, it is important to seek treatment early in order to stop suffering and continue an active life.

¹ See “Ochlophobia or Agoraphobia?” article at flintstonechronicle.com.

Ochlophobia
Also called enochlophobia or demophobia, ochlophobia is an abnormal or morbid fear of crowds or mobs. Information about it on the Internet is scarce. Endless links to near identical definitions, occasional references in personal blogs and lengthy phobia lists dominate the search results. Associated Content sports a short article on the subject by Barbara Burgess. A three and-a-half minute news clip by Russia Today newscast survives on YouTube. These are the only two noteworthy items in the first ten pages of search engine results under any of the three terms.

Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia as defined by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) “involves intense fear and anxiety of any place or situation where escape might be difficult, leading to avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home; traveling in a car, bus, or airplane; or being in a crowded area.” In contrast to ochlophobia, many respectable resources about agoraphobia are available on the Internet.

Simply comparing the two definitions without supporting information did not alleviate any confusion. The following chart gives a brief overview of anxiety disorders in general. The article entitled, “Anxiety and Phobic Disorders” explains these disorders in more detail.

In our definition of agoraphobia we see several types of triggering events, but the list is not comprehensive nor is the type of event what determines whether a person has this phobic disorder. Agoraphobia’s hallmark is anxiety brought on by having little or no control over escape or flight from certain situations. These situations might include some, all, or none of the examples listed in our definition above. When agoraphobia is severe, progressive avoidance of triggering situations can lead the phobic person to becoming home-bound.

Ochlophobia, a fear of crowds, is a specific phobia that is situational in nature. A crowd usually does not pose any real threat of danger. If the anxiety level a person experiences is strong enough to effect regular avoidance of crowded situations, then the individual may have the phobic disorder known as ochlophobia.

Summary
Ochlophobia and agoraphobia are sub-types of phobic disorder, which is an anxiety disorder. Ochlophobia is a specific phobia of a crowd or mob, whereas agoraphobia is a combination of fears, or complex phobia, that may or may not include fear of being in a crowded space. When the anxiety is severe, both phobic disorders lead to avoidance behaviors. The key distinction: to qualify as agoraphobia, the person must have multiple anxieties, one of which is that his fear stems from having little or no control over escaping the feared situation(s).

Choices for treatment are discussed in the article, “Phobia Treatment Options.”

Anxiety Disorders
About.com defines an anxiety disorder as “a condition characterized by extreme, chronic anxiety that disturbs mood, thought, behavior and/or physiological activity. The anxiety generally grows progressively worse without treatment.” WebMD breaks down the multi-faceted term “anxiety disorder” into several different types of anxiety disorders. Five of the major types are:

• generalized anxiety disorder - excessive and chronic pathological anxiety not stemming from any specific trigger
• panic disorder - sudden and recurring episodes of fear that manifest physical symptoms such as dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pain, heart palpitations or abdominal distress
• post-traumatic stress disorder - a traumatic event precipitates recurring symptoms such as situational avoidance, flashbacks, numbness, and hyperarousal
• obsessive compulsive disorder - recurring, distressing, unwanted thoughts often leading to one’s performance of compulsive tasks or rituals, the purpose of which is to relieve the perceived threat derived from the unwanted thoughts
• phobic disorder - persistent, unreasonable, intense fears of situations, circumstances, or objects; the fears provoke anxiety and avoidance

WebMD discusses specific phobias and social phobia as additional types of anxiety disorders. According to the Merck Online Medical Library these fall under phobic disorder. Compiling the information from various resources, a visual tree of anxiety disorders, including the branches of phobic disorders, might look like this chart below:

Merck explains that there are two classifications of phobic disorders: general and specific. A fact sheet on phobias at The British Psychological Society (BPS) calls the former classification “complex.” To muddy the waters more, some resources do not classify agoraphobia and social phobia as complex phobias, referring to these and specific phobias as three different types of phobic disorders. This would eliminate the third row in the above diagram. For the purpose of this article, we will examine the two types of phobic disorders.

Complex / General Phobic Disorders
Most often referred to as complex phobias, these disorders involve multiple anxieties. Many factors trigger feelings of fear or anxiety in this type of phobic disorder. It is interesting to note that these phobias also are overwhelmingly situational in nature. The two most common complex phobias are social phobia and agoraphobia.

Social Phobia / Social Anxiety Association (SP/SAA) has several situational examples of people suffering from social phobia. The gist of this disorder is that the phobic person feels others are watching, staring, and judging them, whether it is a situation with one person, such as a meeting with an authority figure, or several people, such as a staff meeting with colleagues or perhaps others milling about a mall where the phobic person is shopping. Left untreated, a social phobic progressively avoids the various situations in which he repeatedly feels severe anxiety brought on by his perception of others critically observing of him.

Agoraphobia as defined by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) “involves intense fear and anxiety of any place or situation where escape might be difficult, leading to avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home; traveling in a car, bus, or airplane; or being in a crowded area.” Here we see examples of several triggering events, but the list is not comprehensive nor is the type of event what determines whether a person has this phobic disorder. The defining piece is that anxiety is brought on by having little or no control over escape or flight from certain situations. These situations might include some, all, or none of the examples listed in our definition. When agoraphobia is severe, progressive avoidance of triggering situations can lead the phobic person to becoming home-bound.

Simple / Specific Phobias
Referring back to our fact sheet at BPS, specific phobias are “an anxiety about a single object, situation or activity.” We all have things that provoke fear, but our level of anxiety surrounding these things generally is mild. To qualify as a specific phobia, the anxiety level is excessive and irrational, and the feared thing usually poses little or no danger. The resulting avoidance can inhibit leading a normal life.

In our diagram above there are five types of specific phobias. Some examples of the different types are as follows:

• animal - fear of dogs, cats, snakes, spiders, etc.
• natural environment - fear of heights, water, storms, etc.
• situational - fear of enclosed spaces, riding in a car, going through tunnels, flying, etc.
• blood / injection / injury - fear of blood, medical procedures such as blood tests or injections, or fear of injury
• other - phobias that do not fit into any of the above categories, such as fear of loud noises, fear of tripping down stairs, etc.

From this list we see there are many phobias which do not pose any real threat of danger, but may cause undue stress. If the anxiety level a person experiences is strong enough to effect regular avoidance of the object, situation or activity, then the individual may have a phobic disorder. It is important to note that a person can have more than one specific phobia, but this does not necessarily mean he has a complex phobic disorder.

Summary
We see five major types of anxiety disorders, of which phobic disorders are one type. Phobic disorders are broken down into complex and specific phobic disorders, complex phobias exhibiting multiple anxieties and specific phobias having only one anxiety causing factor. The presence of any phobia, whether complex or specific, may require treatment if avoidance of triggers inhibits normal life activities.

Choices for treatment are discussed in the article, “Phobia Treatment Options.”

In reflecting on the previous twelve hours, I explored the seeds of my frustration. What were the driving forces behind my negativity? Honest consideration revealed the seeds that bloomed into a rotten tree.

Ready to boil over at the slightest opposition, volatile anger and resentment simmered just below the surface. Attempts to control my circumstances were woefully unsuccessful. Pride crept in and whispered lies into my believing ears. With a thorough review of the day’s events, the list of sinful thought patterns grew exponentially. Sinful thinking had tarnished my heart and chipped away at various relationships. My anxiety had carried me away to a dark and lonely place.

The scenario above bears some striking similarities to what David describes in Psalm 32:3-4:

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

A grim picture, yes. But this is not the end of his story. In the next verse David tells us,

Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”–and You forgave the guilt of my sin.

God not only forgave David’s sin, He forgave the guilt of his sin. At first It may not seem like there is a difference, but let’s take a look at the definitions. Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines sin as follows:

Transgression of the law of God; disobedience of the divine command; any violation of God’s will, either in purpose or conduct; moral deficiency in the character; iniquity; as, sins of omission and sins of commission.

Now let’s take a look at Webster’s definition of guilt:

The criminality and consequent exposure to punishment resulting from willful disobedience of law, or from morally wrong action; the state of one who has broken a moral or political law; crime; criminality; offense against right. Exposure to any legal penalty or forfeiture.

Simply put, sin is breaking God’s law. But here we see guilt defined as the punishment resulting from sin, the punishment being our broken relationship with God. When we receive God’s forgiveness, He restores our relationship with Him as if we had never sinned.

I need His forgiveness every day, but today my awareness is heightened. I am glad for the reminder of what God’s forgiveness really is. It isn’t like when we were kids and said, “Please forgive me,” because our parents forced us to do it. He does not say He forgives and then continue to hold a grudge against us for what we did. Instead, He erases our debt and restores our right standing with Him.

Anger usually triggers my desire to participate in unhealthy behaviors such as an all-night gaming marathon, indulgence in an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, or any number of other addictive habits. I always have a choice between bad habits or a healthy response, but making that choice often is difficult.

I unloaded clean dishes from the dishwasher, rinsed and loaded dirty dishes, filling the appliance enough to run it anew. Forty-five minutes later my fury still was unassuaged, so I attacked grass and weeds up to my eyeballs with a dirty push mower. When thirty minutes had passed I was covered in grass clippings from head to toe, but my blood pressure was decreased slightly.

Since my agitated state persisted, the crossroads of choice was before me. I could grab the ice cream, click the mouse or do something worse. My mind had considered a plethora of other things during my earlier activities, so I knew trouble was knocking at my back door.

It was time for stronger intervention. After lengthy cultivation, my “call a friend” recovery tool was at the ready. The first friend answered but was out of town, so I politely asked her to contact me when she returned, then moved on to the next number in my phone. The second friend answered. Though it was short notice, she was able to meet for coffee.

An hour or so later she talked me down from the proverbial ledge, reminding me of the guilt and regret that follows any sinful behavior. The cloud of irrational thinking dissipated and reason returned. I was ready to be on my own and address the conflict that sparked the tempest.

Initially overcome with anger, today I recall how God daily saves me. All of us who are born again are in a process of recovery from sin called sanctification.  At this moment, I am incredibly grateful that God showed me an alternative and provided a means of grace through my friend. The promise of I Corinthians 10:13 expressed in the Amplified Bible reads:

For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.

Resistance is not futile, it is imperative! As we continue to walk out this truth, resistance becomes easier. On occasion my Mom quotes the saying, “Do not despise small successes.” As we continue to experience small successes through Christ, they build on each other to form a shield against even the most besetting sins. It is summed up best by the King James Version in Galatians 6:9:

Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

The sense of justice in me cried out, “This is wrong!” Then one person gently reminded me that not all missionaries do this. The vast majority live on a shoestring. Later, another person pointed out there are reasons a missionary might need to preserve a particular standard of living. Perhaps the missionary has a family and children. These children need the ability to re-adjust to life and culture in the States when they return. Possibly the missionary is trying to reach an audience who holds that standard of living.

Whatever the case, I readily jumped to conclusions, judging the book by its cover. The truth is the conversation brought back childhood memories and dreams of becoming a missionary as an adult. I felt nagged by my perceived failure. “How could I have gotten so terribly off track,” I reflected.

Before long Proverbs 20:24 came to mind, “Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?” Then it dawned on me: it’s not up to me to determine or understand where my path will take me. God knows and that’s enough.

God did not reveal His entire plan to Abraham when He called him to leave his homeland. The Amplified Bible says Abraham “did not know or trouble his mind about where he was to go” (Hebrews 11:8). He simply obeyed God’s call in faith. Like Abraham, I don’t need to trouble myself with the details, I just need to faithfully obey in the daily things God puts before me.

So how can I put this into action? The answer is as near as reading the familiar passage, Proverbs 3:5-7:

5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil.

Who’s to say I’m not right where God put me? Sometimes I realize if God gave me His whole plan up front I just might disobey Him. Not knowing the details often is a blessing. I merely need faith enough to lock the door behind me each day and start walking. Then God can bring His power into my life and direct my path.